Flashback Friday

Today I decided to enter a letter that I wrote to Paxton when he was smaller. I wanted to put this in his baby book, but thought it would be a good idea to put it here for him as well.

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Paxton, I had to write you a letter today to let you know how much I love you and how happy you make me. Yesterday I put you down to bed and whether I liked it or not, you were not ready to sleep even though you were rubbing your eyes and obviously tired. I figured that since Dad was away for awhile longer, that I had a minute to play with you and tonight it all just hit me really hard again, how really wonderful you are.

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I was sitting on the ground beside your crib and you were inside. I pulled up the crib bumper and said "peek a boo" You smiled so big and then you laughed. I pulled the bumper all of the way down while you were watching and smiling, when I said "peek a boo" again, you broke out into laughter. We must have played this game over and over again for at least 15 minutes. Every time you would be a step ahead of me, and you would just start laughing. We laughed so hard. I loved that so much that while I laughed I began to cry. I was overwhelmed with love for you. I had no idea that being a mother would be this wonderful. Your smile already lights up a room at only months old.

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Tonight, I put you to bed when you did not want to go. When I went in your room to settle you down your eyes were closed and you acted like you were sleeping. I covered you in blankets and stepped back. You actually peeked at me Paxton, you peeked at me! When I saw it I had to laugh, your whole face then started to smile and you laughed too. I was again overcome with emotion. Paxton Ryder I love you so much. You have made our lives so happy with your peaceful happy spirit. I love you I love you I love you!

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When I wrote this letter to you I was so overwhelmed I was bawling my eyes out, that's why it may not make a whole lot of sense. I have to admit that when I first became a mom, I was in a zone. Feed, sleep, change your clothes, get it done! It took me quite a while to step back and realize that I could enjoy myself with you and that I could enjoy being a mother. I am so proud of you Paxton. You are still such a sweetheart and you try so hard to be a good boy. I want you to know that Dad and I love you so much honey! love, Mom