Sunday, September 30, 2007

I'm coming out of the closet

Okay, I am saying it, I am finally admitting that I am a big time hermit.
Is it bad that I'm a hermit?
There is a reason that I do not have a cell phone. Basically, I hate the idea that anyone can get a hold of me at any time. I sometimes go weeks without talking to friends and even family or hanging out with anyone that I love, that is outside of my own little family of course. I get so busy with projects and things that I find myself at the end of a month or months and I'm realizing that I have not made any phone calls or returned them for that matter and that I haven't talked to my own mom or sent birthday wishes. I took pictures of the boys over two months ago and never sent them out to my grandparents. I haven't called them or my uncle Jack in months and sometimes I feel like he loves it so much when I call because he has nobody else. I don't do it on purpose. In fact sometimes I make my own self so lonely. I have Ryan, and I have the boys but I feel that I want to be with them so much that I shut everyone else out, and have done just that.
Don't get me wrong. I don't have any time to myself as it is. If I do get a minute it is reserved. There isn't a lot that I have time for and its the truth. I don't remember the last time I watched TV just to watch it by myself (or even with the boys) or went for a drive to get my thoughts together, or even shopping. If I do get out, its an errand.
I love my projects and I love getting things done but I am realizing that I am kind of lonely. While I am here at work we have had a few minutes of quiet. I am looking at people's blogs and seeing a trend. All of the women have their girlfriends. They do play-dates with them and they go to concerts with them. They call each other on the phone and talk for hours and their families go on trips together. I have never had that. I have very close friends, but we don't do that. I have taken that away from myself and I look at these blogs and feel lonely.
Not in a bad way. I am very happy. But I do wonder if I have somehow punished myself because of my selfishness. If I have offended anyone of you, which I am sure that I have, I am very sorry. Sorry if I have pushed you away or made you feel that I don't care. We love our friends and family so much! We have never meant to be closed off, we're just gettin' her done ya know?! I want you all to know that we love you and we are here if you need us, we promise you that. Please know that it is not personal, but that if we could change things, if we could find a way to be better at being friends we would.
I guess that's what I wanted to say. I want you all to know how much we appreciate you and even though I am selfish and doing my own thing 24 hours a day seven days a week, I do care and I want to talk if you need it. We would do anything for any of you! So now, time to call my mom, to wish my brother Chris a happy birthday (I love you Chris) call my uncle Jack to let him tell me some things, and make sure that I get my pictures out to my grandma and grandpa (or as Paxton would say grama and papa) and tomorrow, just enjoy my Sunday with no projects to be crossed off. Its just plain hanging out, and maybe even some TV!

Friday, September 21, 2007

Monday, September 17, 2007

September

Okay, all of that jargon about fall and how wonderful it is...I'm having second thoughts. Its just occurred to me how close we are to winter. Last night the sun was down by around 8pm?! The dark cold days are coming!! In preparation for winter there are chores to be done.
I have to tarp up the patio top
finish painting the fence
clean out the garage
stain our wood fences
and the one I have been avoiding...clean the house!
Here are some pictures of the boys that Ryan and I have taken while we've been working outside:
Paxton loves helping his daddy. Here he's helping to wetsand the pickup. As you can see from this picture, I am spying on them. Its a clever tactic to use when you want the picture, but you don't want them to know your around to wetsand as well.
okay, I did go out and sit with them later. Wetsanding is such a terrible job though. I am happy to report that Ryan is almost finished and this truck is almost ready to be painted-woohoo!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

pictures of Gauge

I was just figuring out some features on my camera here but I wanted to post the pictures because I love em!

Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Week in Review

This week has been pretty full. We have decided it is time to re-do the kitchen. We have also decided, we aren't going to do it. It makes me so happy just saying that. So we ordered some counter tops that will hopefully be here and installed by the end of the month. We found some tile...now to find someone else to do that, and we found our paint. I am so excited. The problem with re-doing the house the way we have been, is that we will never be able to move. We enjoy our backyard (all fenced in with patio we can finally use) so much now. It makes it hard to imagine going somewhere else, where we will have to work hard to make that place the way we want it when we are almost done here.
After we hit the kitchen we'll start planning for the living room. The house will be pretty close to finished after that. We have been re-modeling it from the very beginning, almost eight years.
*
Here are some pictures of the boys
Pax has figured out how to get around this fence now, he just breaks it. Its making it very hard to keep Gauge out of things

We made cupcakes, Paxton was so excited. This picture reminds me of his dad here, he is being so careful during his project. You can see he is deep in thought.

As you can see, he had to do everything himself...he even picked out the cupcake holders

and then, he got to eat them

Sunday, September 9, 2007

Friday, September 7, 2007

How we met

I started to do a survey about Ryan and myself, then I thought I would just tell you some stories instead. This is good stuff for my boys anyway. Watch out, its a pretty long story...
*
I met Ryan through a really close friend named (we'll call him Rhome for his protection) Rhome happened to be an old friend of Ryan's and he was looking for a place to live at the time. Ryan had just purchased his house and was looking for renters. The two hadn't seen each other for years.
Rhome relayed this story to me right after it had happened. He was excited about it because he was looking for a place to live at the time, and he hadn't had any luck. He had told me that he was going to go ride his dirt bike with a friend of his, and that they were going to meet at Gandolfo's. Rhome sat and waited for this kid to show up for over an hour (could have been closer to 2 hours). While waiting, he ran into Ryan and Aaron who showed up sometime later for breakfast. When they talked, Ryan asked Rhome right out of the blue if he wanted to rent out his place with him. After Rhome ran into Ryan, his friend he was waiting for called him and told him that he had slept in and that he was on his way. Had this friend not been late, the three wouldn't have run into each other. Rhome saw it as a blessing in disguise because he needed a place to stay, who knew it was a blessing for me as well.
After Rhome moved in I started hanging out at this house. He was my best friend at the time and showing up at his house was not a random thing at all. I did my homework there and we hung out for hours with all of our friends. When I began going there I didn't think much of Ryan. He was this really Huge muscle man that I was sure was just like all of the muscle guys at the gym... (flex in mirror, walk to drinking fountain, check out girls, walk back to mirror, flex some more, repeat) so I went out of my way to not pay any attention to him at all. I didn't want this guy to think in a million years that I thought anything of his big muscles. Aaron also lived there and was the sweetest guy ever. Always talking to Rhome and myself and making us all feel comfortable there. The place was a total bachelor pad, Aaron even had his motorcycle parked in the living room. There was a lighted patio out back with speakers and Rhome had bought a ping-pong table and put it out there so we all hung out and played. At the time I had a real thing for guys who called me girl. I know it sounds stupid but I just loved it when they would say, see ya girl.. or hey girl, or whatever. I can't even explain it. It was something my Dad did so it made that guy that much better in my book if he called me girl. ANYWAY...I remember showing up at the house one day and Ryan answering the door. It totally threw me off because I was able to avoid him so far. We didn't make much conversation, he just told me that Rhome was there and he let me in.
Now the days of the next week are remembered specifically because the first day we actually talked was on Valentines day. It was a Monday (the year 2000) and it was Rhome's sisters birthday. She was having a party at their parents house and I was all dressed up and ready to go. Rhome called me and asked me to pick up his present for her at his house. Now to be honest, as much as I didn't pay any attention to Ryan at this point, he really intimidated me so I didn't need to run into him. I reluctantly told him I would pick up her present and made my way to their house.
When I got to the house it was dark. Yes- I thought, No-one home! I went around to the back of the house and found the gift in the kitchen. As I was leaving, I began to close the back door and that's when I heard it. A car pulling into the driveway... Aaron and Ryan had just gotten home. BLAST! What to do. I knew I looked good at this point, I was all dressed up for the party- So I decided to just go out and face them. When I walked around to the front yard there was a flat-bed tow truck in the driveway with a HUGE white 70s era Cadillac on the bed. Aaron was walking around it excitedly. He saw me come around from the back and (he was always so nice) he showed me what he had. He had just saved this car from the dump. I have always known how much he bought it for but its slipped my mind now ($175 bucks?) anyway it was a really cool car! I walked around it with him and talked to him for a bit. I told him why I was there and as I saw Ryan coming to the house I told Aaron why I had to leave and I started for my car. As I began to leave Aaron asked " is that your car?!" I turned and looked at the car, not knowing whether he was making fun of me or not...
I then admitted that this was my car and continued. Aaron then says "Ryan, that's her car" and he points to my car. D'oh! I look over and Ryan is looking right at me...He walked over and the two of them together could not believe that I drove this thing "That is so cool" Aaron says as I finally breath. Aaron then went back to the Cadillac and Ryan walked over to me. Again this is Valentines and the first attempt either of us made at talking to each other. I must have had a crush on Ryan already and didn't realize it because I know exactly what he was wearing. Jeans and a black tee shirt with his blue flannel over it. The sleeves were rolled up over his forearms and he carried his water bottle with him. I have absolutely no idea what anyone else there was wearing.
Ryan and I talked a bit, I don't really remember what was said but I do remember him telling me he was going to start a club called the Land-sharks and I could join them if I wanted. That is what I pictured in my head and I had no idea if he was joking or not. I then told him goodbye and he said "see ya girl" and I remember realizing that this guy was no muscle head, he was a total sweetheart and I just loved loved talking to him. All I could think about that night and for the next week was that I needed to talk to him again.
At this time in my life I worked at Nu Skin. It was literally down the street from where Ryan lived. My parents house (I lived in the duplex basement apartment) was only a couple blocks away from Ryan's house as well. In talking to my sisters I realized that I was going to have to come up with a plan. I didn't want Rhome to know that I liked his roommate. It was embarrassing. Somehow I had to get to know Ryan without running into Rhome. (remember I am only 19 at this point) So my sister Heather and I decided on a plan. I was going to make some brownies and take them over to him. He couldn't know that I liked him yet...not until I had talked to him a little more so I had to figure out why it was okay for me to take him brownies...hmm...the story is as follows:
Rhome and I had a friend, Nick- who had come home from his mission early for medical reasons. He had just come home that weekend. The plan was to tell Ryan that I made Nick some brownies. Now whenever I make anyone brownies I make Rhome brownies. But Rhome is on a diet right now so I guess I better just take the left over, or the HAD TO MAKE for Rhome brownies to his roommates- Its fail proof right?!
*
Next day, Tuesday. the day after my first conversation with Ryan and the day after Valentines. I get off of work and zoom home paying close attention to Ryan's house. No cars are there. So I run home and I whip up some brownies. By the time they finish I drive by Ryan's house to see that Aaron is home. SHOOT I didn't want anyone to be there, I wanted to be able to just talk to Ryan.
Wednesday, this was going to be the day. Drive home from work- no one there, speed home and whip up some brownies (they have to be fresh) and take them to Ryan. This time Rhome is just getting home. So I dodge him and I go back home....frustrated.
Thursday, sure to be the day...Rush home from work, only Ryan's car is there. Run home, make some fresh brownies and go over to his house. Still only Ryan's car. YES!
I walk up to the door and knock.
I hear him yell "come-in"
As I walk in the door, there's Ryan on the other side of the room, working on the floor. He was pretty surprised to see me and I think he told me that Rhome wasn't there. I quickly spill out my huge story of why I was there and how I had to make brownies for Rhome and at 100mph tell him how he is the one that is just going to have to eat them. I really don't think he heard a word I said. He got up and came over to where I was and grabbed a brownie..turns out they are his favorite...and little did he know I had two batches just sitting at home!
Next thing I know he is headed back to work on the floor and he begins pulling up the carpet in the living room. He then jokingly asked me if I wanted to help- and quick as he asked me I told him YES. (Come on, what girl wouldn't help, it was a chance to hang out with him!) He was pretty surprised when I said yes, but he got me a screwdriver and got me started on the staples in the floor. For literally the next six hours we worked on that floor together. We talked non-stop about our families, about what we were doing, and I got quized about what music was playing at the time which just happened to be Pink Floyd...(I got lucky to be honest) but I guessed the right band and even the right album which totally impressed him. Later that night he took me out for a chicken bowl to thank me for my help. I can honestly say that I have never felt more comfortable talking and hanging out with anyone. Ryan and I have been together pretty much every day since that carpet day. Ryan told me later that before he ran into Rhome, even though it had been years since they had seen each other, that his name had popped into his head while he was looking for a renter. That's why as soon as he saw him he asked him to move in with him.

Monday, September 3, 2007

i love this time of year!

If you haven't already done it, its time to go watch "Rudy"...Fall is here!
Actually, I haven't watched Rudy yet either, I haven't had time, but I will and so should all of you. Tonight we prepare for school... which begins tomorrow. Ryan is so nervous. Its crazy that it is already here.
I walked outside today to see the college guys playing football in the field across the street. When I turned on the news tonight, it said that the weather will be in the low 80s by Thursday. BYU won their game last Saturday
We're tying up some of the projects that were started...

Notice I didn't include the wall I tore out...but we'll get there...the point being that MY FAVORITE SEASON IS HERE!

Sweaters, Quilts, Football, Leaves, Pumpkins, and Carmel Apples!

WOO-HOO!!